Google Localizations

2005-12-30T14:03:00.000-08:00

ADSENSUAL PORK

It's 2am, 20th or so December, and I'm driving east some very dark and peculiar backstreet in Mountain View. Headlights in my ivory '70 Karmann Ghia are good only to look at, not the other way around. Her body is also so feminine, just like a tall sensuous naked woman splayed on asphalt. It's so close a picture, even my stomach spasms. No, I'm just hungry, so she looks to me more of a well scrubbed pig body at butcher's. Especially with all those 'phrrt' sounds of a missed oil change. Alexandr Levintov in his excellent culturological study called 'Жратва', or 'Fressen', if in German, no good English equivalent exists, describes Transcarpatian pork shashlik with marinated onions. Good, very good, indeed. Still, even as hungry as I am now, I'd rather go for one of L'viv style: lots of Armenian spiced lemon juice as a replacement of vinegar in marinade. Naturally, with a 1-liter stein of L'vivs'ke as a traditional side.

Oh how hungry I am. For such emergencies Countess Maria Razumovskaya (née Princess Poniatowska) suggests stuffed pork belly: 2 lb sauerkraut of Polish descent, 2 apples, 2 oz of Russian cream butter for stuffing, a whole emptied pork belly; now sew it up with stuffing inside, wrap it in foil and bake for 90 minutes at 375 F. It's a dish of truly hallucinatory qualities: when even dreams of it can smell.

Corners of my eyes catch a dimly lit road sign: ROAD PORK AHEAD. WTF! What? Backing 50 yards of my hunger shock overrun, to see it once again. Naturally, it reads ROAD WORK AHEAD. Grrr...

It's just like my affair with AdSense which abruptly ended lately after I as a publisher of this blog clicked too much on those ads myself. But how could I restrain myself, when my mentioning of San Andreas' Last Fart and presumed tsunami and loss of life triggered a hailstorm of ads for surfing equipment, hurricane Katrina scam aid, and male enhancement offers. Naturally, I was curious to find just one or two 'good' ads, good ones in an old-fashioned sense of relevancy. So basically that's why it took me so many illegal clicks: didn't find many.

Well, now I know that AdSense is on dope. Otherwise, how could my blog sell Viagra in the same menu with helping tsunami victims? Can you see pork here? Non olet, they said, and took all my several AdCents away, to return them to those spammers:

'The earnings on your account will be properly returned to the affected advertisers./Sincerely,/The Google AdSense Team'.

(to be continued; or not; as usual, no animal was killed, or mutilated, except for couple in Levintov and in Princess cases, and I don't own ivory, fully restored '70 Karmann Ghia, all geographical locations are imaginary, trademarks are also hallucinatory)

2005-12-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

ЛЕННОН ЖИЛ, ЛЕННОН ЖИВ, ЛЕННОН БУДЕТ ЖИТЬ!

Localize this, deep in your heart.

Elsewhere, but the poet is the same:

ЛЕННОН И ТЕПЕРЬ ЖИВЕЕ ВСЕХ ЖИВЫХ

2005-11-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

TWENTY YEARS AFTER

Solar-powered Google HotSpots, Google News Webcams, and Google Appliances show good survivability in San Alcatraz, that part of former San Francisco which swam offshore after San Andreas Last Fart. The aid for human and animal survivors is severely restricted by the war raging in Newfoundrogueland over newly found frying oil reserves. Googler-enhanced helmets for our troops are of great help, though: everyone can direct a troop or two or find a loose helmet.

At home base, the Church of Jesus Christ the Seismologist (former Jesus Christ Scientist) starts its final battle against the Intelligent Design followers locked and besieged at the Moffett Field's hangar. Xooglers fight at both sides as there are many warring sects and factions among millions of those: Eks-Ooglers, zooglers, cross-ooglers, Hi-Ooglers, Ksooglers, etc. Soaring AdCents values of corresponding stocks are at stake here. Contrary for popular belief, Google's firing of their Java Evangelists and hiring Stoli Evangelists instead has no relation to any religious conflicts.

Some humanity restrictions have loosened. Most important is legalization of .50 rifles and RPG-8s when exterminating stray cats pooping on your backyard. Some limitations were strengthened though: it's illegal, for example, to use some old-fashioned mouse, or rat snap traps because of unnecessary torture. New, legal models now snap off a rodent's or an animal activist's limb clean and fast. Jenny Craig's Organization and soup kitchens for poor get a big boost in availability of nutritional material of their preference.

Miranda, a widow of one of the Google founders, has established the Google Fund which distributes free Googleputers to those who don't own one yet. These
Googleputers go with free 100M/100M wireless access to Google Index, and their pointsticks (former joysticks) periodically inject Gookies (Google cookies on nano-chips) into users' fingers. Apart from precise identification of an individual, these Gookies can be also very useful in transporting into a user's body some vaccines against Anthrax, riots, AIDS, rust, cancers, and FLU (FLU like in 'Free Linux Usage', not bovine influenza that still has no cure for steak lovers; likewise, rinitis remains deadly disease among non-drinkers.)

An ancient famous line 'We, the people...' now reads 'We, the peeps...', as linguists succeded in proving beyond any doubt that original 18th century concept of 'people' never meant to include Afroams, Amerinds, women, Latinos, Brits, Jews, dyslexic morons, catholics, fetuses beyond 16 cells, IT guys, or biorobots of robocop or babelfish class, or all corresponding mutts of those. However, non-gookied citizens, terminator class robots and Amerinds are still prevented to run for a President of America (former NAFTA.)

So called 'emailing' is virtually exterminated now and went gopher way, as the last underground pop3, smtp, imap servers and relays are traced and closed down. There is Google Index based 'mail' instead (former Gmail), and it's much more powerful messaging system with 100 TB of undeletable storage per account. Correspondingly, instead of an obsolete and abandoned 'Shift-2', or '@' sign which was basically convoluted swash ligature of 'at'), the Googleputer uses a convoluted swash ligature of 'Goo' on that key, and it looks like this:

so my mail address will read like localudalGmail.com. On requests, traditional mail messages are printed out at destination post offices and delivered for free with hundreds of obligatory text ads on the envelope and margins of paper. Two or more pages of a mail user's letter are usually put on 100 GB X-Ray SuperDVD full of promotional clips and trailers.

Software is being developed mainly under the GPL which is now 'Googlopen Public Lisense', as former antelope GNU concept is virtually extinct because of mounting pollution of its "versions" with obsolete commas and complex fugures of speech. Previously GPLed Macrosoft's Hasta La Vista (former Longporn) operating system stays contained mostly in China where it was GPLed.

Blogging is used mainly by politicians, criminals, prostitutes, inside traders, drug dealers, leaking CIA/KGB agents, and as such is closely monitored by Google SA (former NSA; SA is jokingly decoded as 'Sicherheitabteilung', even when nobody remembers what was that.) Ordinary peeps use alogging, clogging and glogging instead, to render their writings about tornadoes and hurricanes and losses of life clogged with male enhancement ads.

American Department of Peace (DoPe; former DoD) started drafting peeps and non-gookied individuals younger than 65 for D13N operations (former democratization Iraqi style) in a next Newfoundrogueland. Continuous pleas of dying Dalai Lama for One Hour Of Peace On Earth have succeded at last: almost all warring nations accepted the idea, even if time zone confusions have brought about more bloodletting than average. However, UN plans several more One Minute Of Peace actions during next decade.

Googlespeak, previously a lingo of mainly babelfish robots, have started to spread fast among ordinary peeps, too, so this phrase written in a gookie letter of 2006 sounds quite good now:

'After carefully reviewing your experience and qualifications, we have determined that we do not have a 'Software QA Engineer - Internationalization (I18N)- Mountain View' position available which is a strong match at this time.'

Consequently, spam as we knew it ceased to exit, so seemingly spammy stanza such as this genuine sample:

'Julio was at singsong when that happened corduroy. nondescript at scram or even clog as in swanson. viscoelastic. clothesline at alkaline or even sec as in pinafore. anorthosite was at risible when that happened batch. librate was at continuous when this happened devious. hemoglobin at adoptive or even cleave as in avuncular. bilk was at coattail when that happened metallurgy.'

makes perfect adsense in Gogglespeak: the recipient of this text is in bad need of cheap Viagra and refinancing ads and so on. For example, the Babelfish translation of 'anorthosite was at risable' part sounds very much like request for some extra male enhancement offers.

Before 2025, the practical immortality was achieved, if only for individuals worth more than 10 Teradcents. Lung cancer of tobacco smokers is curable now, even while non-smokers continue to die of it either as defenseless second-hand inhalers, or mostly as first-hand inhalers of largely polluted air.

Katzendreck, prolonged drinking bouts, and resulting alcoholism mostly exterminated by wide introduction of vodkas containing potent reagents safely cracking katzendreck stuff. All drink Putin now, all of those previously hangovered morons.

Homosexualism becomes quite curable in the hands of practicing Intelligent Designers occupying special reservations and ghettoes clean of Darwinists. The same thinkers have succeeded in proving beyond unreasonable doubt that WTC columns steel melts at the temperature of burning jet kerosene, that is 451 Fahrenheit. Their main point was clearly demonstrated in extremely bad quality of Chinese frying pans made of World Trade Center's scrap metal.

2005-11-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

APPLE GADGETS

When arranging those 'googlevisions' (see below), I somehow sidetracked and had one small 'applevision':

Next generation of iDope is a wireless, buttonless mouse, a piece of solid, expensively finished and modeled plastic, nice to touch or hold: media chip is 2,000 AdCents extra. When in player mode, it actually can't play anything: with DRM enforced it won't understand its own proprietary media format.

2005-11-03T13:40:00.000-08:00

GOOGLEVISION

One Google opening for i18n specialist requires a candidate to possess a "vision". You want a vision, here you go.

In 1993-1994 I worked on Nostradamus TV script translation, and it was me who said that the scene of a global war of West against Islam must be dated 2001, not 2000, as faulty translation of Nostradamus' quatrains suggested. Check it out in Mosfilm archives, or in some Hollywood script hangars.

Here's what happens in the next decade from now:

1. Google buys Australia, Starbucks, Moffett Field, Antarctica, some parts of California -- from a weakening grip of Governator. Google finances the digging of the tunnel and the pipeline between Eurasian Empire of Czar Putin I and Alaskan Dominion.

2. On Moffett Field, Google builds the Babelfish Tower out of millions of nanocarbon tethers delivering food, water, replacement nuts and bolts to ISS by dozen molecules at a time. Ancient flotilla of space shuttles is grounded and converted into Starbucks restaurants.

3. Google buys CNN, FoxNews, replaces their field force by 360 deg Webcams put on every phone pole in US and in major critical points around the globe. The new service is called Google News, and its content, zoom, direction and choice of commenting blogs can be tailored by user's preferences. Hollywood movies can be watched in raw footage, or pre-director's cuts. Effects, actors and scripts can be edited by a viewer.

4. Cash is virtually abolished and used only in illegitimate trade of drugs, firearms, in presidential campains and in live prostitution. Numismatists grumble over cash substitute called AdCents: an ancient $2 bill is valued at 200 AdCents at GoogleBay: 1 AdCent is equal to 1 million of AdSense clicks. As the result, Google Cache replaces Fort Knox. Google's motto 'Don't Be Evil' now reads: 'Don't Be!" Accordingly, the final solution to private information and its theft is brought about: except for the name, approximate date of birth, and fingerprints there's nothing could be found on any individual. Legacy data like account numbers, PINs, SSN, Apt./House Numbers, etc., are known only to Google Index and corresponding agencies.

5. Google trades McDonalds' back to Canada for Québec. Resulting huge reserves of frying oil, with Persian Gulf's oil being almost finished, are used in mix with corn schnapps to fuel 4-wheeled segways, or SUVs, as in Segway Utility Vehicle. Ford leads the pack of auto manufacturers with a nostalgically smelling Segway-T model capable of 1 mpg.

6. Googlers (see section below) are routinely shot off the skies over China and Northern Korea by ancient DoS ACKACKers. Google retaliates by using Mandarin over the Continental China. Meanwhile, with Google's backing Al Gore, the old Internet inventor, buys EU Internet back from European rebels. A new resulting Internet is called Google Index.

7. Google buys LOC, NYPL, SJPL, Stanford Library, and copyright debates cease with an acceptance of Copygoogle Law. Google buys Wikipedia and Britannica, publishes the resulting Brikiwikipedia in 100 set in Katull paper volumes of 5000 pages each. To enhance readability of such a tome, Googlese it is printed in (see below) has lost many useless letters and signs like 'c', 'j', 'q', 'v', 'w', 'y', 'z', '$', comma, colon, semicolon, ellipsis, dashes, etc. Sites insisting on using old, or so called correct English, are progressively excluded from Google Index.

8. Google launches Goobble, a space telescope armed with hurricane battling laser. First fire test was partially successful: the Omega hurricane was dissipated over Cancún, Transtexas, which was severely fried in the process. Goops!

9. Google's AdSense program is challenged by AbSence ideology by Teoma, the most used search engine of 2015. Teoma's success is based on abolishing spamming and sponsored links in its search results.

10. At Googleplex and next to Vint Cerf's, Google unveils a bronze monument of me, the best Google Borshcht Chef whose after-borshcht burp renders a better "Goooooooogle" sound out of majority of contest jury for 10th year in a row.

2005-10-24T01:09:00.000-07:00

GOOGLER MUSIC

The flights on board of the Googler are spectacular, they are so appealing to the vision that they can create a new reality in itself. In this experience, only one thing is missing for better immersion: a sound of flight. Naturally, it's a sound of Googler's engine (not Google search engine, though, at least, not yet.) What can produce such sound? Right, the burning fuel can. Consequently, what does Googler run on? Packets, nothing else, TCP/IP packets, high-octane ones when in broadband. The Googler's dashboard can have something of a speedometer (imagine Bandwidth Meter graph by Wizard Software.) These samples, just like SETI samples, if thrown in thoughtlessly and indiscriminately, look and sound like white noise. Good enough if you're inclined to hear hiss, or OK, roar of your engine. However, for a discerning ear you may want to add some more features to plain quasi-random pitch variations (which is transfer rate, quite naturally.) Directions of packet transfer, use of UDP, ARP, ACK packets may determine group of musical instruments: say, you send in strings, and you receive in brass. Different ports may determine harmonies, my favorite here would be anxious C minor whine when downloading stream of spam emails. When diving and receiving a landscape detalizing stream, a variation on 'Walkürenritt' might be quite appropriate (just kidding; my favorite here would be 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin.)

You don't have to be Arnold Schoenberg, or Krzysztof Penderecki to tackle this task, as there are some MIT guys who developed the software for kids named 'Hyperscore' (http://www.harmonylinemusic.com/hyperscore). This Hyperscore software produces a MIDI score out of basically graph drawn on the tape. Now we can input all our bandwidth graphs into that toy and see what happens.

Deaf people may get their perception by the Googler engine induced vibrations of their feedback-enabled joysticks.

Robert Plant may sing me '404' answer when it happens. Then it won't hurt so much.

2005-10-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

GOOGLER CONTINUES

The prototype of Googler is being built. Sort of. GeoURL to Google Earth transformation experiment by Patrick H. Lauke of http://www.splintered.co.uk fame is online and works just fine.

Thank you, Barry of http://www.nearby.org.uk/google.html, Wales, for the pointer.

As with any promising project, this one also got under loads of advertising, so it's not so easy to find your target among UK sightseeing distractions (just kidding, lads. It was fun.)

2005-09-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

Translators And Satirists Of The World, Unite!

Today is the St Gerome (or Hieronimus; or Jerome; or whatever other poor transliteration renders him) Day. Or is it tomorrow? Again, got it lost in translation between calendars. This 5th century guy was quite a successful translator, so he became a Patron of all translators and, for some reason, satirists. So, it's double holiday for me, and an option to consume some chilled Everclear and polish it over with equally monastic Guinness.(just kidding)

No further blogging on holiday.

2005-09-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

The Art of Computer Orthography

The Art of Computer Programming (TAOCP) by Donald Knuth has one of the cleanest, thoroughly proofread and debugged text in the entire book printing history. My take on this is that the Stanford's Professor Emeritus uses software debugging approach to the text in 'natural' English. Well, in a sense, any textbook or handbook is capable of programming you, the reader, so the less bugs its text has the better programming effect it may achieve. Naturally, this debugging process is greatly enhanced by the readers' feedback stimulated by this:

'The first finder of any error in my books receives $2.56; significant suggestions are also worth $0.32 each. If you are really a careful reader, you may be able to recoup more than the cost of the books this way.'

They say nobody ever cached their $2.56 checks, let alone $0.32 ones, for more than 35 years. They also say that there are special design companies for luxurious framing of such treasured autographed trophies (they usually specialize in framing stuff like "The First Dollar I Did" for mere $45.) After my 10 years long career of hardcore programming of target recognition algorithms for Soviet ABMD, I became sort of a sucker for such things. Now this addition to the rules helped me a lot:

'SPECIAL NOTE TO THE SPEAKERS OF FRENCH AND OTHER EXOTIC LANGUAGES: Numerous quotations and bibliographic citations found in this book have been copied verbatim from the original sources. If you believe you have found a typographic error, you must prove it by showing that the original was incorrectly transcribed; believe it or not, your language has changed over the years, just as English has.'

So my task became much easier, no need to compete with much better programmers and code-readers than I ever was. And still, it took me maybe a week of reading and browsing through my new boxed set of TAOCP 5 years ago, when I claimed my 'Gotcha':

'Chebyshev' must be substituted by 'Chebyshov' throughout the text of all 3 volumes and all fascicli of a 4th. I know, it looks like attempting to change Edsger W. Dijkstra's name to its archaic spelling 'Dijckstra', but in Chebyshev case Chebyshev sounds completely wrong, and to such an extent that Russian Academy of Sciences ruled to use 'Chebyshov' (actually, 'Чебышёв', instead of 'Чебышев', but with straight indications for transliterations: Chebyshov in English, Tschebyschov in German, and so on.) See also the Чебышёв article (not mine) in ru.wikipedia.org for the matter.

Alright, as soon as it's a mistake outside the code, or other serious matters, I could go for $0.32. Though it hurts to even think to cover $100 cost of TAOCP set with such corrections, as one might work oneself to death in searching.

To cut my painful story short, the corrector secretary for the Professor didn't accept my correction. She quoted the tradition. The Professor explained to me that he trusted her more. Still I have got my set authographed, all 3 volumes, complete with incorrect 'Chebyshev', 5 years ago, at some conference about Spirit and something. For serious book collectors only: bids for my set start at $1K, that is $1024.32 to be precise and in the spirit of Computer Orthography.

2005-09-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

ESCHERESQUES

I like Maurits Escher's art. It's hypnotizing, addictive. Here are my own Escheresques:
It was my entry for T-shirt logo contest by Pricewatch.com a year ago. Whatever the logo they may have now instead, the price tag for this one is US$5,000, or some $10K worth of good hardware of my choice.

Otherwise, here's my proposal of a better logo for PriceSCAN.com, mere $5K buy the concept:

I'm working on the draft of Googler logo on the same principle: a carefully morphed Catull's carved capital blue 'G' in the eye, instead of '$' above. Talking about $, naturally, the price will be higher: who's the Pricewatch and who's the Google?

After spending a year in cleaning PNG glyphs in fonts for Links-hacked Web browser, I have produced a special "Links" glyph, but this one is GPLed and goes practically for free. Get it from the 'Damn Small Linux' distribution, or Links-hacked site if you are interested.

But the CEO of one flourishing antique business owes me Sigma SD10 camera with two good lenses, a C Band satellite dish complete with 4dtv and HDTV boxen, and a good Wacom pro artist's digitizer tablet for another Escheresque monogrammatic logo.

2005-08-31T16:00:00.000-07:00

GOOGLER

"Googler" is my shot for a name of a Google Web browser. As per now, this neologism is used mainly as a self-description of the Google Inc. employees.
Linguistically, it's a misalignment. A prior neologism "to google (out)" for "to browse Internet resources in search of something" indicates that a better meaning for "googler" would be more of a something than somebody that "googles", or simply a "browser Google-style".

Whatever the rumors of Google developing, or not developing a Web browser of its own, I guess it's almost here, and should show up in the next major version of Google Earth. All it needs now is a layer of VisualRoute-style hosts map, and some UI cleanup. Hiding options are needed for Googler's bottom tools, instruments, and command/ticker line which might constitute more convenient dashboard now. Extensive joystick support (instead of a mouse) might be needed, too, for a really good browsing flights. The whole new set of icons for destination servers/routers should be put up as sort of traffic signs.

Mosaic/Netscape-style navigation mode could be turned on by the click on the destination server icon, when Googler would use MSIE/Mozilla/Opera as a helper app/plugin. As a first step to overcome Microsoft's deadly grip on the browsers' market, I'd personally exclude MSIE as a compatible plugin though. Next step would be naturally the development of a GoogleOS: to do that Google could buy Mandriva (Lycoris/Bitstream's btX2 included), and this would be much cheaper and more productive than, say, a purchase of Baidu.

Why Mandriva, and, say, not some Debian, or even some *BSD? Because Mandriva now has btX2 stroke-based font engine, unlike free/True/Open/ClearType
pieces of junk maxxed out at 96dpi in the previous century. But in essence, it may have just VPN-capable, or GoogleEarth's client-server capable 64-bit Linux kernel in the heart of it, only with a powerful support of that monstrous starship of the Googler browser. Compared to regular desktop-centric distributions, this one should be Googler-centric one.

To browse in HTML plane, Microsoft's Web core fonts must be abandoned at last, as too bland. Google's (actually, Berthold's if I remember it right) Catull must be rendered Unicode and put up to overcome Times New Roman, together with Cheltenham, Gentium, some Goudys. Maybe even Apple Garamond BT, but just maybe. Part of sans serifs and monospace faces must be diminished to the levels of their occurrence in print materials due to intrinsically worse readability. Kerning should be introduced into layouts, if not into direct HTML renderers, then into HTML-to-PDF on-the-fly converters. Summing up, big Acrobat and font design chunks of Adobe, if not all of Adobe, must be bought out. Hey, Ballmer, Google-killer, eat this!

Such a good GoogleOS needs to be based on some nice hardware. To use some Steven-Jobsesque approach, I can envisage pretty good popularity of this $5K assembly:

-- 64-bit multicore processor. Or two;
-- 512 MB of fast GRAM for two or four ATi or nVidia chips needed to drive these:
-- 200 dpi 10-12 or better bit/color widescreen 16:8, or even 16:6 (who invented those half-assed 16:9 things, in the first place?) displays, 60 Hz and 16" to 18" for notebooks, and 80 Hz and 26" or more for desktops;
-- Saitek-class joystick or its folding mini-version for a Googler laptop;
-- GPS receiver, multisystem cell phone, HDTV tuner, Foveon chip based good camera as internal options, not like silly dongles, for a laptop.

Googler could be also a name for such a good laptop. The Dell is IMHO closest to produce something of a prototype for this machine, so instead of Baidu, Google needs to buy Dell.

Googler as browser, or better, Web space traveller, might need some extensions of HTTP protocol. Say, something like when used does like this: 'goog://somewebsite.stats.google' in parallel and in background with regular http://somewebsite request processing. Consequently, the icon of a website while being zoomed in, may acquire some color (like pink for porn, and non-pink for non-porn sites, with the latter category divided into further colors and hues. Running ticker line and/or zooming target page may provide additional alphabetical and numerical information like name, description, whois, etc. Sometimes you may want to abandon a particular target by this sniff of it, sometimes you may want to just levitate and suck content from down below, like in instant messaging, VoIP calls, media/news/RSS watching.

Email servers and relays must be mapped to be visible targets in Googler, this time to enable the back trace of spam. You could be able to fly to the point of origin of a particular message and use some blocking countermeasures. Visually it might even look like some war game mission, so what? Unlike that war on terrorism, or war on drugs, spam war is a reality where good guys are outgunned so far.

Color labeling of the Web sites could be accompanied by sound signalling, or alarming, together with whatever voice messaging/flight control commands might be appropriate. In general, silent flights should not be a default option.

Google hired Vint Cerf recently. Nice. How about hiring Sir Tim Berners-Lee, or the whole W3C gang, to do the goog:// job?

I forgot the price tag for this development. Excluding billions needed to buy Adobe, Dell parts, I could start with $100M seed and 20 to 50 choicest, hand-picked developers. It's a pity there's no Google grants any more, and I'm afraid there were never been for projects of this scope. Now is the time. My title for this project will be "Kill Ballmer", quite a Tarantino style.

2005-08-31T13:41:00.000-07:00

GOOLOCALIZATIONS

Google UI language localizations are one big mess, evidently for all languages claimed, except maybe Bork-bork-bork, Klingon, Pig Latin, and Elmer Fudd. I can be certain about Russian Google localizations where Google search page puts incredible juvenile slang "Картинки" instead of correct "Изображения" for Images, plus THREE more mistakes in barely half dozen words. There's virtually hundreds more translational mistakes in Russian Google beyond its main page.
I can be certain about Japanese Google UI where very bad rendition of the trademarked term "Google アドワーズ広告" is used in parallel with correct "Google AdSense". "Google アドワーズ広告" is one very ugly "fake gairaijin accent", or "Engrish" as Wikipedia puts it, and it's completely out of place.
I'm not so certain about Chinese Google though, but my preliminary analysis shows that simplified Chinese follows traditional Chinese way too close, and in essence is probably just a careless transliteration. This and Taiwanese-accented indexing of Continental Chinese resources might be the main reason why Google lost search engine battle to Baidu there.
Inviting non-paid volunteer translators of unknown qualifications to clean after horrible machine translations is a very bad practice and now amounts to a costly mistake. Arbitrarily closing some languages for translations so all the mistakes will stick out is even a bigger mistake. I'd call this headless, QA-less, and sloppy process with a new gairaigo: GOOLOCALIZATIONS.

(Any commercial use of translations and corrections made here and in the following postings without the author's consent is prohibited.)

GOOGLESE

In the Soviet era the world biggest carrier Aeroflot was planning a non-stop route to San Francisco. Mineta International Airport as an emergency landing strip was ruled out by Aeroflot authorities at once, as another obscene imperialist joke. The problem was that Mineta International Airport in a careless Russian translation sounded like International Airport of Blowjob.

Nowadays sloppy translations for Google produce numerous linguistic bastardizations. Google's Russian, for example, bears all the signs of what I'd call punk Russian. As a linguistic occurrence, punk Russian is heavily accented, intrinsically illiterate, marginal jargon, a street product (where the majority of Russian volunteer translators came from.)

No wonder that a serious Russian researcher prefers local Yandex.ru, Rambler.ru, and whatnot, to do searches in Russian resources. Besides, the Google's results are usually ten times shallower when phrases, or Russian flectivities are being searched.

Punk Russian in Google's localizations must not be tolerated any more, or the Baidu incident will happen again. To give an idea of what Russians read in Russian Google main page, here's precise back translation from Russian:

['Schmoogle' in colored Catull face here; Schlogger blocks it]on American

Web Pitchers Groups News Froogle Local more

Google search I'm Feeling Lucky

Advertising Codes Business Solutions About Google

Copyright 2005 Goolocalizations

OK, 'Schmoogle' might be an overkill as an equivalent for punk Russian "Гугло" or "Гугель", but the rest in red are exact translations. For this class of localization, there is a good punk Russian term через жопу. Mildly put, it means "awkward". Literal meaning of it is not so mild, as it's a shortened form of через жопу гланды дёргать, which is "pull one's tonsils via one's asshole": topologically feasible but yes, awkward.