Thursday, November 03, 2005

GOOGLEVISION

One Google opening for i18n specialist requires a candidate to possess a "vision". You want a vision, here you go.

In 1993-1994 I worked on Nostradamus TV script translation, and it was me who said that the scene of a global war of West against Islam must be dated 2001, not 2000, as faulty translation of Nostradamus' quatrains suggested. Check it out in Mosfilm archives, or in some Hollywood script hangars.

Here's what happens in the next decade from now:

1. Google buys Australia, Starbucks, Moffett Field, Antarctica, some parts of California -- from a weakening grip of Governator. Google finances the digging of the tunnel and the pipeline between Eurasian Empire of Czar Putin I and Alaskan Dominion.

2. On Moffett Field, Google builds the Babelfish Tower out of millions of nanocarbon tethers delivering food, water, replacement nuts and bolts to ISS by dozen molecules at a time. Ancient flotilla of space shuttles is grounded and converted into Starbucks restaurants.

3. Google buys CNN, FoxNews, replaces their field force by 360 deg Webcams put on every phone pole in US and in major critical points around the globe. The new service is called Google News, and its content, zoom, direction and choice of commenting blogs can be tailored by user's preferences. Hollywood movies can be watched in raw footage, or pre-director's cuts. Effects, actors and scripts can be edited by a viewer.

4. Cash is virtually abolished and used only in illegitimate trade of drugs, firearms, in presidential campains and in live prostitution. Numismatists grumble over cash substitute called AdCents: an ancient $2 bill is valued at 200 AdCents at GoogleBay: 1 AdCent is equal to 1 million of AdSense clicks. As the result, Google Cache replaces Fort Knox. Google's motto 'Don't Be Evil' now reads: 'Don't Be!" Accordingly, the final solution to private information and its theft is brought about: except for the name, approximate date of birth, and fingerprints there's nothing could be found on any individual. Legacy data like account numbers, PINs, SSN, Apt./House Numbers, etc., are known only to Google Index and corresponding agencies.

5. Google trades McDonalds' back to Canada for Québec. Resulting huge reserves of frying oil, with Persian Gulf's oil being almost finished, are used in mix with corn schnapps to fuel 4-wheeled segways, or SUVs, as in Segway Utility Vehicle. Ford leads the pack of auto manufacturers with a nostalgically smelling Segway-T model capable of 1 mpg.

6. Googlers (see section below) are routinely shot off the skies over China and Northern Korea by ancient DoS ACKACKers. Google retaliates by using Mandarin over the Continental China. Meanwhile, with Google's backing Al Gore, the old Internet inventor, buys EU Internet back from European rebels. A new resulting Internet is called Google Index.

7. Google buys LOC, NYPL, SJPL, Stanford Library, and copyright debates cease with an acceptance of Copygoogle Law. Google buys Wikipedia and Britannica, publishes the resulting Brikiwikipedia in 100 set in Katull paper volumes of 5000 pages each. To enhance readability of such a tome, Googlese it is printed in (see below) has lost many useless letters and signs like 'c', 'j', 'q', 'v', 'w', 'y', 'z', '$', comma, colon, semicolon, ellipsis, dashes, etc. Sites insisting on using old, or so called correct English, are progressively excluded from Google Index.

8. Google launches Goobble, a space telescope armed with hurricane battling laser. First fire test was partially successful: the Omega hurricane was dissipated over CancĂșn, Transtexas, which was severely fried in the process. Goops!

9. Google's AdSense program is challenged by AbSence ideology by Teoma, the most used search engine of 2015. Teoma's success is based on abolishing spamming and sponsored links in its search results.

10. At Googleplex and next to Vint Cerf's, Google unveils a bronze monument of me, the best Google Borshcht Chef whose after-borshcht burp renders a better "Goooooooogle" sound out of majority of contest jury for 10th year in a row.

1 Comments:

Blogger Wireman said...

I wish I invested earlier!

4:16 PM  

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