Monday, November 21, 2005

TWENTY YEARS AFTER

Solar-powered Google HotSpots, Google News Webcams, and Google Appliances show good survivability in San Alcatraz, that part of former San Francisco which swam offshore after San Andreas Last Fart. The aid for human and animal survivors is severely restricted by the war raging in Newfoundrogueland over newly found frying oil reserves. Googler-enhanced helmets for our troops are of great help, though: everyone can direct a troop or two or find a loose helmet.

At home base, the Church of Jesus Christ the Seismologist (former Jesus Christ Scientist) starts its final battle against the Intelligent Design followers locked and besieged at the Moffett Field's hangar. Xooglers fight at both sides as there are many warring sects and factions among millions of those: Eks-Ooglers, zooglers, cross-ooglers, Hi-Ooglers, Ksooglers, etc. Soaring AdCents values of corresponding stocks are at stake here. Contrary for popular belief, Google's firing of their Java Evangelists and hiring Stoli Evangelists instead has no relation to any religious conflicts.

Some humanity restrictions have loosened. Most important is legalization of .50 rifles and RPG-8s when exterminating stray cats pooping on your backyard. Some limitations were strengthened though: it's illegal, for example, to use some old-fashioned mouse, or rat snap traps because of unnecessary torture. New, legal models now snap off a rodent's or an animal activist's limb clean and fast. Jenny Craig's Organization and soup kitchens for poor get a big boost in availability of nutritional material of their preference.

Miranda, a widow of one of the Google founders, has established the Google Fund which distributes free Googleputers to those who don't own one yet. These
Googleputers go with free 100M/100M wireless access to Google Index, and their pointsticks (former joysticks) periodically inject Gookies (Google cookies on nano-chips) into users' fingers. Apart from precise identification of an individual, these Gookies can be also very useful in transporting into a user's body some vaccines against Anthrax, riots, AIDS, rust, cancers, and FLU (FLU like in 'Free Linux Usage', not bovine influenza that still has no cure for steak lovers; likewise, rinitis remains deadly disease among non-drinkers.)

An ancient famous line 'We, the people...' now reads 'We, the peeps...', as linguists succeded in proving beyond any doubt that original 18th century concept of 'people' never meant to include Afroams, Amerinds, women, Latinos, Brits, Jews, dyslexic morons, catholics, fetuses beyond 16 cells, IT guys, or biorobots of robocop or babelfish class, or all corresponding mutts of those. However, non-gookied citizens, terminator class robots and Amerinds are still prevented to run for a President of America (former NAFTA.)

So called 'emailing' is virtually exterminated now and went gopher way, as the last underground pop3, smtp, imap servers and relays are traced and closed down. There is Google Index based 'mail' instead (former Gmail), and it's much more powerful messaging system with 100 TB of undeletable storage per account. Correspondingly, instead of an obsolete and abandoned 'Shift-2', or '@' sign which was basically convoluted swash ligature of 'at'), the Googleputer uses a convoluted swash ligature of 'Goo' on that key, and it looks like this:

so my mail address will read like localudalGmail.com. On requests, traditional mail messages are printed out at destination post offices and delivered for free with hundreds of obligatory text ads on the envelope and margins of paper. Two or more pages of a mail user's letter are usually put on 100 GB X-Ray SuperDVD full of promotional clips and trailers.

Software is being developed mainly under the GPL which is now 'Googlopen Public Lisense', as former antelope GNU concept is virtually extinct because of mounting pollution of its "versions" with obsolete commas and complex fugures of speech. Previously GPLed Macrosoft's Hasta La Vista (former Longporn) operating system stays contained mostly in China where it was GPLed.

Blogging is used mainly by politicians, criminals, prostitutes, inside traders, drug dealers, leaking CIA/KGB agents, and as such is closely monitored by Google SA (former NSA; SA is jokingly decoded as 'Sicherheitabteilung', even when nobody remembers what was that.) Ordinary peeps use alogging, clogging and glogging instead, to render their writings about tornadoes and hurricanes and losses of life clogged with male enhancement ads.

American Department of Peace (DoPe; former DoD) started drafting peeps and non-gookied individuals younger than 65 for D13N operations (former democratization Iraqi style) in a next Newfoundrogueland. Continuous pleas of dying Dalai Lama for One Hour Of Peace On Earth have succeded at last: almost all warring nations accepted the idea, even if time zone confusions have brought about more bloodletting than average. However, UN plans several more One Minute Of Peace actions during next decade.

Googlespeak, previously a lingo of mainly babelfish robots, have started to spread fast among ordinary peeps, too, so this phrase written in a gookie letter of 2006 sounds quite good now:

'After carefully reviewing your experience and qualifications, we have determined that we do not have a 'Software QA Engineer - Internationalization (I18N)- Mountain View' position available which is a strong match at this time.'

Consequently, spam as we knew it ceased to exit, so seemingly spammy stanza such as this genuine sample:

'Julio was at singsong when that happened corduroy. nondescript at scram or even clog as in swanson. viscoelastic. clothesline at alkaline or even sec as in pinafore. anorthosite was at risible when that happened batch. librate was at continuous when this happened devious. hemoglobin at adoptive or even cleave as in avuncular. bilk was at coattail when that happened metallurgy.'

makes perfect adsense in Gogglespeak: the recipient of this text is in bad need of cheap Viagra and refinancing ads and so on. For example, the Babelfish translation of 'anorthosite was at risable' part sounds very much like request for some extra male enhancement offers.

Before 2025, the practical immortality was achieved, if only for individuals worth more than 10 Teradcents. Lung cancer of tobacco smokers is curable now, even while non-smokers continue to die of it either as defenseless second-hand inhalers, or mostly as first-hand inhalers of largely polluted air.

Katzendreck, prolonged drinking bouts, and resulting alcoholism mostly exterminated by wide introduction of vodkas containing potent reagents safely cracking katzendreck stuff. All drink Putin now, all of those previously hangovered morons.

Homosexualism becomes quite curable in the hands of practicing Intelligent Designers occupying special reservations and ghettoes clean of Darwinists. The same thinkers have succeeded in proving beyond unreasonable doubt that WTC columns steel melts at the temperature of burning jet kerosene, that is 451 Fahrenheit. Their main point was clearly demonstrated in extremely bad quality of Chinese frying pans made of World Trade Center's scrap metal.

1 Comments:

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