Friday, December 30, 2005

ADSENSUAL PORK

It's 2am, 20th or so December, and I'm driving east some very dark and peculiar backstreet in Mountain View. Headlights in my ivory '70 Karmann Ghia are good only to look at, not the other way around. Her body is also so feminine, just like a tall sensuous naked woman splayed on asphalt. It's so close a picture, even my stomach spasms. No, I'm just hungry, so she looks to me more of a well scrubbed pig body at butcher's. Especially with all those 'phrrt' sounds of a missed oil change. Alexandr Levintov in his excellent culturological study called 'Жратва', or 'Fressen', if in German, no good English equivalent exists, describes Transcarpatian pork shashlik with marinated onions. Good, very good, indeed. Still, even as hungry as I am now, I'd rather go for one of L'viv style: lots of Armenian spiced lemon juice as a replacement of vinegar in marinade. Naturally, with a 1-liter stein of L'vivs'ke as a traditional side.

Oh how hungry I am. For such emergencies Countess Maria Razumovskaya (née Princess Poniatowska) suggests stuffed pork belly: 2 lb sauerkraut of Polish descent, 2 apples, 2 oz of Russian cream butter for stuffing, a whole emptied pork belly; now sew it up with stuffing inside, wrap it in foil and bake for 90 minutes at 375 F. It's a dish of truly hallucinatory qualities: when even dreams of it can smell.

Corners of my eyes catch a dimly lit road sign: ROAD PORK AHEAD. WTF! What? Backing 50 yards of my hunger shock overrun, to see it once again. Naturally, it reads ROAD WORK AHEAD. Grrr...

It's just like my affair with AdSense which abruptly ended lately after I as a publisher of this blog clicked too much on those ads myself. But how could I restrain myself, when my mentioning of San Andreas' Last Fart and presumed tsunami and loss of life triggered a hailstorm of ads for surfing equipment, hurricane Katrina scam aid, and male enhancement offers. Naturally, I was curious to find just one or two 'good' ads, good ones in an old-fashioned sense of relevancy. So basically that's why it took me so many illegal clicks: didn't find many.

Well, now I know that AdSense is on dope. Otherwise, how could my blog sell Viagra in the same menu with helping tsunami victims? Can you see pork here? Non olet, they said, and took all my several AdCents away, to return them to those spammers:

'The earnings on your account will be properly returned to the affected advertisers./Sincerely,/The Google AdSense Team'.



(to be continued; or not; as usual, no animal was killed, or mutilated, except for couple in Levintov and in Princess cases, and I don't own ivory, fully restored '70 Karmann Ghia, all geographical locations are imaginary, trademarks are also hallucinatory)

5 Comments:

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